🎵 Music: Nirvana - About A Girl

Wednesday was my last day at work. It came and went as any other day. I'm glad I didn't get emotional like I thought I would. I've been relaxing for two days now, and I feel amazing. I had language lessons early this morning at 09:00, and woke up at 06:00 for them because I felt well enough mentally to fully put on my makeup. I did it all. Foundation, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, lips. I look absolutely fuckin' fantastic.

I went on Mastodon to post my pics, and my goodness. There was so much hate and vitriol towards a video game and those who want to play it, or even towards server admins who won't ban people who play the game. I thought that I was in some Twilight Zone shit. The overall atmosphere was tense and unwelcoming, so I just didn't post anything and logged out instead. I did make a post addressing how I felt a little bit ago.

In short, I probably won't be back on there for a while. The amount of bulllying is just... wow. I'm without words.

Anyway... we're going to the new apartment on Monday, and I'll be staying there for a few days. I plan to install Linux on a laptop and then get LiveJrnl functional so that I can write on the go.

That's all I have for right now. 😄

Edit: (2023-10-28 23:00) The link to the post I made on Mastodon is no longer available due to a failed server migration to Blahaj Zone. Removed.

I finally got around to clearing off some of the things that were constantly nagging me every time I started Obsidian. Washed the pots and pans, and other dishes. Tried my new makeup by Lancôme (I'm in love, btw), and emptied the food waste bin.

While all of that doesn't sound like very much, they're small victories for me. Depression has been very hard, it's hit both myself and S, and we've been struggling. I'm glad I can finally see some light. And for the first time in a while, it isn't because I just spent money on something and am waiting for that sweet feel-good-brain-chemical-boost that comesl with retail therapy. Stuff's getting expensive, man.

I didn't exercise but I did publish the build script that I use for this site. You can find that here.

My mental health has been getting so much better now that I've allowed myself some time to relax. I do need to start the job search soon, but that will come once we are properly moved in. I can't do a 3 hour commute one way just yet.

It has been an incredibly productive day. I published LiveJrnl, did some dishes, and took out the recyclable garbage.

I think I'm going to exercise in a little bit.

🎵 Music: Silverchair - Shade

...I can't complain. Today has been rather good. Productive. There was a bit of a mishap with groceries because I forgot to actually press the "order" button last week, so we had to go out and buy some. Oops. 😵

The bath I had earlier was fantastic. By the time I got out of there, you couldn't see in the room due to all of the steam. I pretty much looked like a lobster. I do need to buy some more bar soap, my lavender scented one is almost completely gone.

The plan for the rest of the night is just relax and play Cyberpunk 2077. I love that game so much. Oh, Night City. How I've missed you. I'm coming home~ ❤️

🎵 Music: SAMURAI (Refused) - Never Fade Away

I looked deeper into User Scripts in Templater and now my personal mood tracker is actually usable on mobile.

I used the Buttons plugin to insert a Markdown table row with the cells prompting for input in the Mood, Reason, and Tag cells.

I have a set of emoji and file tags that I use specifically for my mood tracker. I added them to script functions that output arrays to use in Templater's tp.system.suggester.

In the end, my mood tracker looks like this:

I am using tags that start with mood-* so that I can eventually create a charts at the end of each month (or year) that tracks my overall mental health. It's gonna be fuckin' lit. 😃

I think I'm going to treat myself to a bubble bath now 😍

Oh, and apologies to those who follow via RSS. The above table didn't render properly for me on NetNewsWire, and I'm not bothered enough to fix it. I won't use tables in my posts very often, so this is a non-issue for me.

Edit: (2023-02-06 13:29) Notice about the RSS not rendering.

🎵 Music: Nirvana - Stain

I'm feeling pretty peaceful and rather productive at the moment. I cleaned up Obsidian, got some game dev mechanics implemented, browsed the Internet for some time, shaved my face and legs, and learned how to use Mermaid which is a diagramming and charting library that's built into Obsidian. As a result of falling down the Mermaid rabbit hole, I've been writing some UML diagrams for my software projects. My next few diagrams will be state diagrams, and then the flowcharts. I'm looking forward to learning how to use this. Obsidian is far more powerful than I thought. 😁

As an added bonus, I can include the diagrams when I work on the documentation. 😄

🎵 Music: Nirvana - Paper Cuts

Today, I did absolutely nothing. Abso-lutely. Nothing.

And I liked it. I really needed this after so long. My creativity is starting to come back. I'm happier. I'm more... sharp.

It's lovely. ❤️

Oh, in case you haven't noticed, I now have a user script that calls mpc current to give me that old school LiveJournal feel with my current music... 😄 I'm geekin' out! 🤓

Edit: (2023-02-05 20:11) Stuff about MPC and injecting the music into the template.

Edit: (2023-02-05 22:02) Wanted to clarify that the MPC stuff is only fully functional on PC. If I want to include music on mobile, it will have to be manually typed in.

Let's try something different.

Good things about today. I had kibbeling. S and I had fun exploring the Alien expanded universe rabbit hole. That was a good hour of fun and cheered me up a bit.

Tomorrow, we go to the new apartment and spend the night. It's going to be lit. I can't wait. We're picking up a cake because her birthday was earlier this week and we were both too sick to celebrate. Her dad is going to come over and we're also going to break in the new couch. Yay! 😻

I'm hoping to do a little bit of shopping. We coooould use a new standing mirror, and some bath rugs, a shower curtain, some candles, oh yes. I think I've got a shopping list to create.

-scampers off-

Just a small warning, this post is mostly whining. You've been warned.

Today feels like it was a wash. My interpreter couldn't come to the appointment with the psychiatrist that I see about ADHD, and the backup one couldn't either, so it was just overall fucked up because I lose out on care. We could have done it with pen and paper, but the doctor said that he hadn't received the results of my bloodwork from my primary care doctor so there was no point in having the appointment. S called our primary care doctor, and they had sent the results in November, so someone is either lying or not doing their job. Either way, we're picking up the paperwork on Monday and then hand delivering them, so even though I'm on vacation from work, I'm still doing someone else's fucking job for them. I just want my ADHD meds, man. 🤷 Its not like I'm asking for mental stability, peace of mind, or the ability to be alone with my thoughts in absolute silence and not a neverending cacophony of mental sewage, or anything like that. Ya know?

I also kind of want to address the fact that even though this doctor frequently works with the Deaf and hard-of-hearing, he doesn't know any fucking sign language? Like none. What in the goddamned ever loving fuck kind of shit is that? 👎

Meeting with my psychologist after also wasn't really productive, either and I feel like I wasted half of my day and €25 in train fare. I've been feeling a lot dysphoric lately, and feel like there's nothing that I can do to address it and she shrugged it off saying that I can just make do with what I have. She's not wrong, but the nonchalance was very off-putting. There is also the fact that her office really cannot manage appointments very well. I'm often scheduled on days that they know I can't attend, and it brings me a lot of anxiety when I have to deal with changing the appointments. I'm just going to cancel our next appointment and find a new one after the move. 😿 I'll be sad to go, because she's Deaf, just like me and I liked having someone to talk to that I could absolutely relate to. I can't see her anyway, because then the train fare would be almost €40 and I really can't afford that. Thanks, NS, you fucking greedy clowns! 🤡

Just ugh.

I think Obsidian is doing its job! I looked over at the Reminders and took care of some outstanding things (sorry, still no LiveJrnl release) like ordering groceries, hearing aid batteries, and the like. I then got a pretty decent overview of what I had to do today, how much I have accomplished (almost all of it!), seeing that my mood today was overall positive, and that feeling is pretty good. I'm confident that I can make this work and fit in some exercise, house cleaning, and even programming.

Basically, today, I am feeling fulfilled for the first time in a really really REALLY long time.

Fuck. Yes.

I am now FREEEEEEEEE!*~ for a week 😄

The very first thing I'm doing is making a delicious dinner for S and then prepare my clothes and train ride for tomorrow's appointment. Hopefully I get meds to calm down my brain.

Afterwards, I'll probably do some more tweaking on LiveJrnl to get it ready for release. I'm really happy with the system I've got going on right now and hope to continue using it for a long time. My Journal folder is getting kind of long, so I probably need to put things in folders like year/num-month to keep it a little more organised, but we will see how that goes.

Last night, I wondered if it was posible to do the RSS feed with Markdown. It's somewhat possible but the client has to support it. Unfortunately for me, NetNewsWire and Raven Reader don't have support for <source:markdown> in RSS. I did, however, allow escaped HTML back into the RSS feed, and no longer truncate the individual posts so that they may be fully read via a feed reader. Of course, this means the RSS feed will be a lot larger, and the XML less human-readable. I could always add another template and call it feed_latest.xml or something like that with the last 5 posts. #idea

Edit: (2023-02-01 20:00) Added section about the RSS feed.

Two shifts remain. It is windy as hell outside and I have to leave in an hour for work. That would be leaving early. After today, I'm off for a week. I plan to do some much-needed cleaning, exercising, and recharging of my social battery.

Tonight, we're ordering groceries because its 2023 and most grocery chains here have finally caught up. This should take some of the pressure off of S because I still can't drive. I can answer a door, though!

I did have a file loss situation earlier today with Obsidian due to a user error. The Reminders plugin edits the date and time that a reminder is shown when you dismiss it, updating the last edited file time. If I make a change on my phone, then the reminder comes up on the PC before syncing, and I dismiss the prompt on the PC, the remote sync (correctly) thinks the PC is the latest version. I need to make a mental note to not dismiss any reminders that pop up, but to mute them. I think that doesn't change the last edited time. I will find out later today. 😅 I would rather there not be a popup at all for the reminder since I have the sidebar open at all times.

This post will also be my first one that I'm not publishing in its entirety until later tonight. I want to see how well Obsidian works for journaling on-the-go.

Until later, my lovelies 😻

Since my last post, I've been exploring CookLang and I'm still not completely sold on it. Obsidian has a plugin that renders the recipes and it does work nicely, but it does lack features like notes. I don't want to have to switch between edit and read view when reading cooking instructions. What does get rendered looks really nice and I hope there's a way to show comments in the output sometime in the future.

I did briefly explore Grocery Recipe Format and while it has a good start, I feel that placing ingredient lists in the section that they're used in is not the right way to go about it, since a full ingredient list is the first thing I look at when reading a recipe. There really isn't a good way to go about it in CookLang, either, but there is some discussion on the matter.

I will need to explore this some more. So far it looks like CookLang is in the lead.

But for now, I need sleep. Two shifts remain.

Today has been a rough day so far. I went to bed last night with a massive headache, and woke up with the same one today. S was sick last week, and she had similar symptoms, and she is still sick this week so I think I may have gotten what she had. It was inevitable. I had to wake up at 04:00 to be at work and ready to start by 07:00. It was a harsh morning, to say the least.

Work today was incredibly difficult, as my vision was blurry and my body was weak. My mind was also not very sharp, and I think I forgot a bunch of things with the setup. I wasn't upset at all during the rush or when I found that I had no backup/help until after 11:30, which is surprising. I think I was too tired and sick to care very much 😂 S picked me up after work today, so that was a nice surprise. I ❤️ her so damn much. We did order food from work, but we chose vegetarian options today. Gotta attempt to stay healthy 😊

Healthy will definitely be on the agenda when we move. S and I have three flights of stairs to take to get home, and the apartment complex has no lift. We also have to move stuff in and out, so it will be quite an adventure in getting fit! I'm actually excited about that. We will also be doing a LOT more walking around, as we will be living above a city centre. It's going to be sweet. 💃

So. Present. I got home about 3 hours ago. Since I've been home, I've watched a few of Safiya Nygaard's videos and messed around a bit with Obsidian. I was going to move my cooking recipes from Recipe Keeper to CookLang format and manage them in Obsidian, but it seems that the Templater plugin (as well as the built-in Templates plugin) don't want to create templates for .cook files at all. I have to make them in .md but the CookLang metadata doesn't render properly in Obsidian, and it was just an annoying mess that I didn't feel like dealing with so I got rid of the plugin lol MAYBE one day I will revisit the idea because how often do I really need to add a cooking recipe?

Speaking of cooking, I have to cook dinner soon. We don't really have anything, on account of trying to empty the refrigerator and freezer before moving, so its a mishmash of a meat, a sauce, a vegetable, and a pasta. Tonight it is bratwurst in store-bought carbonara sauce, with spinach and probably wholegrain fusili. That's simple enough. Now to see if I can motivate myself to get moving to make it. I am still pretty weak.

I've started doing a Day Planner thing in Obsidian again, and I hope I stick to it this time. Instead of detailing every single minute of my day like I did in 2022, which took a lot of time and effort, I'm just listing things in vague time frames (with the exception of appointments). It might help organise my days a little bit better, especially my days off where I accidentally fall into a hyperfocus void and come out two days later exhausted and unrested. Maybe adding cleaning here and there to the planner will actually get it done. I did manage to squeeze in a load of laundry this morning before leaving, because I stuck to the plan instead of ambling about.

Edit: (2023-01-31 18:32) Adding more stuff to the entry.